The Replacement - Professor Elemental

Back when I was an English gent

Too far to ever mention

Rebel without applause

Starts an Indifference Engine

Stop for more tea

Recharge my ascension

Invited everybody to the Father of Invention

The party carried on

Through the Giddy Limit

Comics, teas, cartoons And games

And several silly gimmicks

But wait, hang on a minute

Someone’s no longer in it

My dinner’s on a silver tray

With no one here to bring it

Now where the hell is Geoffery

Let’s rewind it back

Oh yes, he disappeared

If I could find that secret track

At the end of album four

He vanished like a magic trick

Took my time travel trousers

And I’m sad but as it is

I have no time to find his silly face

I’m busy and impatient

It looks like Geoffs gone,

Time to find a new replacement

How hard can it be to be my butler every day?

It’s not like I ever needed that ape anyway

Well at first I tried a python

But he slipped right out the uniform

My lovely horse was rubbish

And I couldn’t find a unicorn

The brown bear looked so fetching

And in a suit he looked so suitable

But he mauled the postman brutally

And I couldn’t find a moose at all

I settled for a fawn

But they make awful butlers

He hid when I called and left hoof prints in the butter

The pelican was silly

As pathetic as the rabbit

And the hedgehogs stupid spikes ruined every single jacket

Had a bumblebee

Squashed him

Had an ant

Lost him

Tried some foreign help

A koala and a possum

So often drifted off to the image of my Geoff

Beaming in soft focus, his orange hair a mess

I can’t leave the silly sod in space

Like lost property

Besides he’s the only one who make a proper cup of tea

Chuck the other beasts away

Or prepare them in my kitchen

Cause this time it’s time to travel time

To find where Geoff is missing!