Plain Plate of Noodles - John Mulaney

I hate to make a scene at a restaurant

But there’s only one meal that I ever want

Just noodles with butter and not too much

And they have to be the tube kind or I won’t touch

We were once on a cruise and the waiters got to know me

Before my family ordered, they would bring me macaroni

A plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter

But life in a cruise ship, it’s a boat without a rudder, yeah

Plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter

It’s the only thing I’ll eat

I’ve tried steak and chicken and lots of different fishes

But I just want my noodles even though they’re not nutritious

They say be myself and live the life I want

Except when I want noodles at a fancy restaurant

I know that I’m not normal, I feel alone and lonely

I’m the only livin' boy who just wants macaroni

I just want macaroni

Just a plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter

'Cause I tried every food and haven’t liked another

Plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter is the only thing I’ll eat

And on my wedding day while my bride is eatin' lobster

Will I still be saying, «Can I please just have some pasta?»

A plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter

I’ve tried every food and I haven’t liked another

A plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter

It’s the only thing I’ll eat

Just a plain plate of noodles

A plain plate of noodles

A plain plate of noodles

A plain plate of noodles

A plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter

A plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter

A plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter

'Cause I’ve tried every food

He’s tried every food

Lord, I’ve tried every food

He’s tried every food

And I haven’t liked another

It’s the only thing I’ll eat