Music, Music Everywhere! - John Mulaney

Use your ear

Be aware, you’re making music everywhere

When you tap a pen on a paperback book…

Not too loud but you get the point!

Toss a dress shirt in a laundry sack…

Subtle sound, let me find something else!

(Spoken)

I have a clarinet

(Spoken)

-What?

(Spoken)

How about my clarinet?

(Spoken)

I don’t need instruments!

Listen when I say what songs are about,

I’m making music!

You’re ignorant!

(Funny voice)

I’m makin' music!

Haha!

(Sung)

Cause there is music here

Music there

Music, music everywhere!

Use your ears, be aware

You’re making music everywhere!

Even a cat can bat a tune

(Spoken)

Do it

Meow

(Sung)

Or take a pudding cup and put in a spoon!

Then when you pull it out…

Then when you pull it out…

(Spoken)

I did this last night, it made a sound

What kind of sound did it make?

Like a squishy sound, like a butt!

Maybe if you tap it-

NO!

You talked over it just made the noise!

(Sung)

The music is so loud you have to shout

Listen to the ruckus when you swirl Bordeaux

Or just take the bottle and let it blow!

(Spoken)

Okay um, I just broke a bottle over here.

Jus- I don’t know if you walk over

here but you should jus- there are no big pieces it shattered.

Oh!

(Sung)

There is music here

Music there

Music, music everywhere!

Is Mr. Music okay?

No, Mr. Music is not okay, he’s having a lot of trouble

I stayed up late

I should have prepped

And planted stuff

That make sounds

Leaky faucet goes drip drip drop!

(Spoken)

Who fixed this?

(Sung)

This new modern toilet makes quite a sound!

It’s louder than a gong when you flush it down!

(Spoken)

Just- lower the boom.

Just work with me, and just lower the boom into the

toilet bowl!

Now I have to wait for it to be ready again, I don’t want the

commode to overflow

Okay now it’s safe to flush again

DAMN IT!

I need my tap shoes!

(Sung)

Jump up on your Tempur-Pedic bed

And tap dance so loud that you wake the dead!

Mama told you not to make a peep

Well clickety-clack and wake her out of her sleep!

(Spoken)

Ah!

Oh did y- I landed weird on my ankle and it popped

Did you hear that?!

(Spoken together)

No

(Sung)

It was like music everywhere!

(Spoken)

What time is it, am I supposed to do an hour?

No, no, who told you that?

I can do an hour!

Absolutely not

(Sung)

Give me the clarinet you mentioned before

I said I didn’t need it give it to me please

You’ll never believe what a sound it makes

When I throw it out the window and the window breaks!

(Spoken)

No!

That’s my clarinet

(Spoken)

It landed on a truck full of pillows that was passing by only then.

Lord, you don’t want me to make music do you?!

(Sung)

Maybe grab that cat by its tail!

(Spoken)

Hey!

No!

Swing it around and the cat will wail!

(Spoken)

Ow!

Ow!

Mother Mary!

There’s glass here!

Who put glass here?!

I’m so stupid.

I stayed up late trying on clothes I already owned and I didn’t prepare and I

failed

Dad, I think that even though most of the things you did weren’t audible,

you’re just trying to teach us that music can come from lots of things that

aren’t instruments!

Yes… Yes!

You see?

You understood what I was trying to say!

Music is more

than just the songs you hear or people singing…

Well it’s what you just-- you said it better

Hey, Mr. Music?

Mr. Music.

What you did was really funny, watching you run

around when you were back over there especially.

We want you to know that we

don’t judge you.

We don’t care

You don’t care?

No, right?

No, not really

We don’t care.

Who cares?

Nobody cares.

Haha!

Everybody sing!

Together!

Cast and crew!

Cast only

(Sung)

Music here, music there

Music, music everywhere!

Use your ears, be aware

You’re making music everywhere!

What a day, we learned so much

So many topics left to touch

So when you feel sad and scared

Look for music anywhere

Look for music anywhere!