Action Man - John Cooper Clarke

Give him scars and khaki to wear

Remove his balls, he’ll go anywhere

He doesn’t speak, he doesn’t dare

Death sneaks, he isn’t scared

Minus balls, he doesn’t care

Jacks beware, action man

He can ack-ack Ackrington, bomb Berlin

Reduce your car to a heap of tin

Wage war, what’s more — win

Punctured skin means nothing to him

The human grenade minus pin

That’s him, action man

A chin with a thin Kirk Douglas cleft

Squad by the bleeding left

Don’t shout he’s deaf

Head over heels in love with death

Beware of the wrath of the man bereft

No marriage plans for action man