Nutcracker - Straight No Chaser, Пётр Ильич Чайковский

Hooray it’s Christmas time

But there’s one lousy tradition

There’s a certain show that you will see

That is all and many would agree

It is time to find another show to substitute

For the Nutcracker

I’m watching the game

But something’s wrong

Staring is my wife

Her face looks long

I know that look, it must be me

It’s not our anniversary

I shrug, no clue

What did I do

She stands in disbelief (What?)

This holiday scene brings no laughter

Forced going to see The Nutcracker

I try to block it from my mind

Think fast, what reason can I find?

Got work to do, I’ll fake the flu

No chance, I’m done, I’m screwed (No!)

I’ve seen the Nutcracker twenty times

Sure it is fun if you are four (bum)

Don’t call me a Scrooge 'cause it’s a bore

The story’s dated and that Mouse King thing

Freaks me out (Ahh!)

Well, guess I’m a guy, what can I say

I’d rather watch football than ballet

I try my hardest not to groan

And pull the score up on my phone

As I complain, «It's not the same»

We’re rushing out the door (Go!)

All holiday shoppers on the road

My holiday spirit might explode

Of course, there is no place to park

We’re late, the theatre’s in the dark

In no small feat, we find a seat

The show’s about to start (Shh)

Here’s that song from Tetris

And I know it’s the part

When I fight not to fall asleep

March the wooden soldiers

Bunch of mice start a fight

Land of sweets, man this stuff’s trippy

By the way, this story makes no sense

Still don’t know what it means

After all these years

So confusing, feel like snoozing

Eyes are heavy, as I start to dream

Woah, I’m awake, must have fallen asleep

Guess I didn’t snore or make a peep

'Cause my wife had no clue I’d been out cold

Is the finale coming up

'Cause there is no beer left in my cup

To make it through, I’ll need another drink

Snuck out to the lobby

Oh, look, I found a TV

I forgot the game was happening

It’s down to the wire

Time will soon expire

Down by one, this kick would win it

(Hut, hut) The ball snapped

(Oh, no) The kick’s bad

(Wide right) No

(We lost) No

How could this night get any worse?

Now I’m feeling all depressed

But I still have to act impressed

A pirouette, oh wow, that’s great

A six-year-old could do that, too

Saw my team lose at the bar

Now dancing dudes in leotards

Last Nutcracker hopefully

But my wife’s thinking differently

She leans in closely, whispers softly

«Can't wait for you to take me next year.»