When You're Dead - Aurelio Voltaire

The other day, I took a walk

Because the air was sweet

And I passed the crusty house

Of the curmudgeon on my street

Now, every town has got one

So I’m sure you’ll understand

When I tell you this old bastard

Is a mean and bitter man

Now, this day, it was special

I was wearing my new hat

The old curmudgeon saw this

And he disapproved of that.

He said:

«I've had one just like that

For ten years, you ripped me off!

You’ve got no right to wear a hat

Like mine, so take it off!»

As it happens, I’m a gentleman

So I approached his porch

I told him;

«Great minds think alike

And you have one, of course

So how 'bout I just tip my hat to you

When I come through?»

He reached down for his gun and said

«I'll shoot you if you do!»

And I said: «No one’s gonna cry at your funeral

No one’s gonna drink at your wake

No one’s gonna sigh with a tear in their eye

'Cause no one’s gonna miss you when you’re dead.»

Well, the next day I forgot

This whole damned mess

And went to town.

And there I saw

A hundred or so posters all around

And on them was my face

And I was wearing my new hat

And they read: «This guy ripped me off

I’ve got one just like that!»

I took a walk down to his house

To see if I could find

A way to show him

That we’re kindred spirits of the mind

And I said «I didn’t make these hats

Nor did you, of course

And hey, we both love Johnny Cash…»

He said «Get off my porch!»

And I said: «No one’s gonna cry at your funeral

No one’s gonna drink at your wake

No one’s gonna sigh with a tear in their eye

'Cause no one’s gonna miss you when you’re dead.»

When you look back on your life, what will you see?

Did you spend your time mending fences or planting mines?

There’s no shortage of potential enemies, so don’t

Waste so much time pushing away your kind

I thought, I must be stupid

Or just crazy from the heat

When I went down to the house

Of that curmudgeon on my street

Maybe it was foolish

To go too his house again

Just to show this crazy drunken fool

He had a friend

When I got there

Much to my surprise, he wasn’t there

He was gone, as was his shotgun

And his rocking chair

I asked the neighbour-lady

Who was lying on her lawn:

«What happened to that mean old man?»

She shrugged, and that was all

No one’s gonna cry at your funeral

No one’s gonna drink at your wake

No one’s gonna sigh with a tear in their eye

'Cause no one’s gonna miss you

Hell, no one’s gonna notice

And I’ll enjoy the silence…

When you’re dead!