Gays Got Married - Trevor Moore

I grew up in an American town, no locks on the doors

When we all bedded down to sleep

Met a pretty young girl and made her my bride

After church on Sundays, take the kids for a ride down the street

Swimming holes, catching fireflies in jars

Spend the evening staring at the stars

Then the gays got married (the gays got married)

And the plant shut down (plant shut down)

And the crops dried up (the crops dried up)

Everywhere around (Everywhere around)

Then the gays started kissin' (started kissin')

And the state said «Cool» (cool)

And they made all the kids

Be gay in school

'Cause them gays got married (gays got married)

They announced it on TV

Jumped in my truck and slammed reverse

I had to get to my family

Before the gay could get there first

Hauling ass down the interstate

In my throat I could my heart

I didn’t know how much time I had

Before all the orgies would start

And they’re grabbing guys like me

And they’re pulling us out of our trucks

And they’re kissing our lips, and nibbling our ears

And all sorts of sexy stuff

And they’re taking us out to fancy hotels

And partying the night away

And they’re saying how good we look in their shirt

When we wake up the next day

No, I dare not look back

To see what’s behind

They almost got me once

When I was surfing online

And as strong and straight as I know I am

Every man can be pushed too far

I’ve seen the devil, and the devil looks like

Mario Lopez in jean shorts washing his car

I pulled up into my house

And I quickly ran inside

I grabbed my lovely spouse

But I felt no love when I looked in her eyes

The gay had gone airborne

And I didn’t make it in time

My family unit

Had already been undermined

Because

The gays got married (the gays got married)

And released gay spores (gay spores)

And all the straight people (all the people)

Weren’t in love no more (never love no more)

'cause them gays got married (the gays got married)

Been in this bunker three long years

Canned food and recycled air

Yet I shudder when I think 'bout

What must be happening up there

A radioactive scorched desertscape

Ruled by roving biker gangs

With scary tattoos and muscley arms

Blue eyes and super cute bangs

So I’ll seal myself off from everyone

And hide here until I die

Confused and angry, sad and alone

And I know the reason why…

'cause the gays got married (the gays got married)

The gays got married (the gays got married)

The gays got married (the gays got married)

The gays got married