Shipping Forecast - The Longest Johns

And now the shipping forecast, issued by the Met Office on behalf of the

Maritime and Coastguard Agency at 17: 00 hours today.

North Utsire, South Utsire, Forties, Cromarty, northwesterly 5 to 7,

occasionally gale 8, backing southwesterly and decreasing 3 for a time.

Rain later, moderate becoming good.

Humber, Shannon, northeasterly 6, good, growing steadily, becoming 7.

Happy birthday.

Tyne, Thames, Forth, little bit, muchly, 32 long, size 8, becoming smart later.

Dogger, Fisher, Dover, I hardly knew her.

Viking, arriving soon, leaving later with your wife.

Fair Isle, Faeroes, pyramid, sphinx.

Biscay, Fastnet, dial-up, broadband.

Lundy, mardi, mercredi.

Plymouth, no.

German Bight, watch out for that.

Portland, Fitzroy, moving forward, 22 yards, touchdown.

Irish Sea, Irish stew, Baileys, Hebrides.

Rockall, sole, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

Trafalgar, rectangular, becoming square.

And finally, Longest Johns, starting strong, 7 or 8, becoming not so poor,

then good.

That was the shipping forecast for 17: 00 hours, Wednesday 18th August.