A Cold, Cold Christmas - Stephen Colbert

I want a cold cold Christmas

I hope it’s 20 below

Let a winter storm bury all that’s warm

In a bone-chilling blanket of snow

Thought you would love me forever

Turns out you wanted to part

Now I want a cold cold Christmas

To go with your cold cold heart

Oh I want a cold cold Christmas

One that’s bitter and barren and bleak

Where the weather’s foul and the west winds howl

And the sun doesn’t shine for a week

You hung up my heart like a stocking

Then went and stuffed it with coal

Now I want a cold cold Christmas

To gnaw at the depths of your soul

I’ll be alone this Christmas

You’d think it would cut like a knife

But I’m numb inside cause a part of me’s died

From the frostbit you spread on my life

Darlin', Christmas with you, I used to lov it so

We’d trade presents and kiss beneath the mistletoe

I said I loved you and you said you loved me too

Remember, I said I loved you, and you said you loved me too?

Those days are over now but I still want you to know

Even though I’m not the one you’ll be kissin' beneath that mistletoe

I’ll be thinking of you every minute on this day of love and cheer

And every minute of every other day of the year

I’m serious

So cold that it pierces your body

So cold that it hurts every breath

In fact I wouldn’t mind if you woke up to find

Your new man had frozen to death

So go have a cold cold Christmas

A blustery landscape of pain

Though I’m warm in my skin

I’m still snowed in

By the blizzard that fell in my brain

Only a week until New Year

That’s when I’ll make a new start

But first comes a cold cold Christmas

To go with your cold cold heart

Your frozen, nasty heart