Your Band - Schaffer The Darklord

Oh man, you were awesome tonight

Thanks dude, thanks a lot

Yeah, you should come check out my band sometime

Yeah, I’ll uh do that

Here

Oh, flyer for your band.

When you playing?

Next Friday

Oh, great I’ll be-

Yeah, and I brought this

Oh, it’s a sticker for your band

Yeah and I brought you a c.d.

too

Oh, c.d.

Thanks, I’ll listen to it

Well, you think maybe you could listen to it right now?

You want to listen to it right now?

Yeah, I got a disc-man right here

(Sigh)

So you’re in a band too?

No shit?

What do you play?

Really?

Cool, cool

You know that maybe some day

In November

Our schedule’s better

We could do a show together

We go really well together

Great, great

I’ll call ya later

Shoo

Ruthless!

Truth is

Schmoozing me’s useless

You’re wasting your time and

You’re just being a nuisance

And you knew this

Long before you came up toting

Your three-song cassette demo

Enthusiastics on promote

Showboating me moping

A sense of half aloof devotion

I took a step off stage

And you were robbing of that moment

All dude that was awesome

I got some for you

To listen to dude

You’re kissing boots boo

You babble on

'bout your band

Like it’s Babylon

And I’m bored

You’ve been playing ten years?

You want a fucking reward?

You see

It seems that everyone i know

Is in a band, man

You’re in a scene

Doesn’t mean

I need to shake your hand

And i wouldn’t expect it from you

But then I’d never do

By networking with a band

When they stop off stage into

Fucking spare me your best bit

Don’t fucking send me your press kit

And don’t ever call

And if I never call

Well i guess it means

I’m not

Interested in your band

And that’s all

But don’t push it

Or I’ll use my weight

And get you black-balled

From every club in town

Back down

You fucking clown

Or you’ll never even play

A Monday night at the pound

You lack tact

And act wack

Your backpack

Is so filthy and

You’re covered in t-shirts

And ball caps

That say Zildjian

Like, «Dude!

I’ll bet you couldn’t guess

That i’m a drummer!»

You’re dumber than a bag of rubbers

Pity, pity such a bummer

Last summer

You wimp

I saw a band in Olympia

Tattooed

Little dudes

With rude attitudes

It was simply atrocious

The shitty shit shit

That Shelly showed us

Then afterwards they said

Dude

Let’s do a show in Frisco

This fall

We’ll call

I’m Paul

And I’ll be the contact

We’re thinking bottom of the hill

Could you get on that?

Could you feed us

It’s for

It’s just after check-in

And could you find another band

That’d wanna play second?

And you know what i told him?

What?

say it

Fuck you and your band

Fuck you and your band

What part of

«Fuck you and your band»

Can’t you understand, man?

This is exactly the kinda shit

I can’t stand

Fuck you and your band

God damn

However

When we were up north

And we played with these dorks

They broke

Every code of ethics

Of fork

We were torqued

Like

They sat in their van

While my band was on stage

And took with them

Their fans

Who were half underage

Their drummer was sound man

He ran the P. A

So there was feedback

In the monitors and vocal delay

And we sold nothing!

Cause no one

Was there when we played

And their guitarist did door

We didn’t get paid

And now these little bitches

Want a show in my town?

I’d rather walk a mile

Of cap street in a night gown

If I ever see these fuckers again

There’s gonna be a battle

That’ll send 'em back

To their little suburb of Seattle

Clutching a rattle

In a crib

In a bib

Bare butt

Your hair cut

Looks like a

Dye jet-black

Andy Gibb

Ribbing your best solo

Watching your tricks fall

Ripping your press photo

The one with the brick wall

I’m so sick of

Your bands

Your fans

Your shows

Your pose

Your tours

Your hordes

Your faces

Your bassist

Your kids

Your splits

Your records

Your techs

Your steer

Your gear

Your pants

Your tables

Your labels

Your comp

Your pomp

Your red light

Your website

Your K.I.S.S.

make-up

Fucking just break up

Fuck you and your band

Fuck you and your band

What part of

«Fuck you and your band»

Can’t you understand, man?

This is exactly the kinda shit

I can’t stand

Fuck you and your band

God damn

Unh