Three-Legged Man - Ray Stevens

Well, my friends, you’d never guess it, so I really must confess it

I just met the sweetest woman in my long and dismal life

But a friend of mine said «Buddy, just in case your mind is muddy

Don’t you know that girl you’re fooling with

Is old Peg-Leg Johnson’s wife

And old Peg-Leg's big and mean and tough and grim

Yeah, and he’ll brain you with his artificial limb»

But next morning, bright and early, I stole old Peg-Leg's girlie

And I also took his wooden leg just to play it safe

But there weren’t no time for laughter 'cause he started hopping after

Now I keep on running faster but he won’t give up the chase

So now I’m running 'cross the country with his bride

And I got his wooden leg right by my side

Now I’m a three-legged man with a two-legged woman

Being chased by a one-legged fool

Oh, he’s hoppin' and he’s floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'

I tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel

'Cross the deserts and the valleys, those ol' dark Chicago alleys

'Cross that mighty Mississippi to the hills of Caroline

'Cross the mountains of Montana through the swamps of Louisiana

Every time I look back, he’s just one leg behind

And I know he must be cold and wet and sick

But in spite of all his woes, he still can kick

Now I’m a three-legged man with a two-legged woman

Being chased by a one-legged fool

Oh, he’s hoppin' and he’s floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'

I tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel

Now he’s ragged and he’s filthy, and I’m feeling kinda guilty

'Specially in the evenings when I hear him plead and beg

He says, «In spite of all your stealing, friend, I bear you no hard feelings

You can keep the blamed old woman, just give me back my leg

'Cause although that leg you meant to take was wooden

In the dark, by mistake, you took my good’un»

Now I’m a three-legged man with a two-legged woman

Being chased by a one-legged fool

Oh, he’s hoppin' and he’s floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'

I tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel

Yes, I’m a three-legged man with a two-legged woman

Being chased by a one-legged fool

Oh, he’s hoppin' and he’s floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'

I tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel