My Better Half - Ray Stevens

Kick my shoe off, take my sock off, pull my pant off

Find my pajama and I put it on

Then I crawl into bed and I cry my eye out

Now that my better half is gone

I just lie there and as I lie there my arm feels so empty

And my lip longs to kiss her all night long

If I had the gut I’d blow my brain out

Now that my better half is gone

I was a whole man when I was with her

Now I’m a plier, I’m a scissor

I’m half this and half that, half slow and half fast

Oh, I’ve got the blue and I’m up to my elbow in heartache

Now that my better half is gone

Now that my better half is gone