The Whiskey, the Liar, the Thief - Patent Pending

He was brought up like a sailor,

A pirate of the streets,

Stealing food and booze and dirty magazines

The rainy days come, the rainy days go,

The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief!

She was coddled like a princess,

And promised as a bride,

Lady Jack’o’lanterns' secret life to hide

So through the window she creeped when her father fell asleep,

The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief!

She bats her eyes and lies about her rent,

He used the coin he stole to buy the drinks.

Never thought they’d find love drowning sorrows at the pub, The Whiskey,

The Liar, The Thief!

He never made it on a spoke,

She only borrowed from the truth,

They were the greatest match that hell had ever seen

But if you reap what you so it doesn’t matter where you go,

The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief!

She bats her eyes and lies about her rent (about the rent),

He used the coin he stole is buying all the drinks (all the drinks).

It’s the devils first man and a drunken runaway,

The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief!

A round for our two lovers,

In this barstool fairytale,

Givin' something for us bastards to believe

You never think you’ll find love drowning sorrows at the pub,

With Whiskey, and Liars, and Thieves!

A toast to those who stole another day (one more day!),

A round to those who lied to get away (one more drink?)

And to those who found love drowning sorrows at the pub,

Some day you’ll find love drowning sorrows at the pub,

Never thought they’d find love drowning sorrows at the pub,

The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief!