Awake, Pt. 2 - no.use

The fact is that I haven’t really moved on and I never will

But it doesn’t actually matter what I’ll probably forever feel

‘Cause, in the end, it was never real

It was just a fantasy to protect us from the breach in the veil, yeah

And definitions of love change

It’s hard to say what love ain’t or what it was in the first place

From the get go, on the first date, all the way home, to the third break

It’s tough to let go of echoes of the worst game that I ever played

You loved that you could lean on me

And I loved who I thought you’d be for me

But if you think that means actually lovin' a person, well it don’t

We fall for projections that we end up needing

It’s less of a fear of being without you, than a fear of bein' on my own

We all end up being fake though, in one way or another

It’s pretty much inescapable

It’s just natural to fumble, us fickle lovers

We can’t tame the animals in us

We try to cover it up

Tell ourselves we’re the real ones, but we ain’t no fuckin' seraphim

And even in this message, there’s no meaning

Just like our lack of real connection or real coherence

No matter what we think in our heads, these beliefs don’t matter a second

It’s misconceived as something seeming better or more

But it’s superficial at its core

Our identity’s based on strings of perceptions, streams of consciousness

So, did I love you?

The real you?

I don’t think a real you or I exists

It’s hard to tell

But I don’t hate the you i think you are, i hate myself

It’s not what u did that bent me outta shape

It’s just my obsessive brain, I was born in this state

Then I obsess about obsessin' and I can’t deviate

Or maybe I can

But I keep myself trapped thinkin' this way

I think I keep myself in this place

But I D fuckin' K

Nothin' seems to help, but that’s okay

I’ve resigned to not givin' a fuck that I’m stuck and crazed

Locked in a cycle just wastin' my days, and gettin' sad and escapin'

Then gettin' mad about this phase that I self perpetuate

Then to come to the realization that I had imagined the whole thang?!

Fuck!

Like maybe I’m remembering a romanticized version of what took place

Now that’s a look you should’ve seen on my shook face

I may have overreacted when I knew my attachments were just phantom in base

But it felt like the floorboards were pulled out from under my vans without

trace

So I free fell till I caught myself, lost as hell, wondering who the fuck I am

at this stage

Can’t stand the man in the mirror and unable to handle this rage

Or quell my frantically going bananas and hate that I panic at change

Then I woke up from a nightmare two years late

Felt like I been in a state of mental retrograde for two years straight

But it was different today

I woke up feeling like living today

New to me and fucking strange

But i had a little bit of faith

Like I can finish what I set out to make

Instead of staying clouded and cloutless and break

The truth remains shrouded

But I’m proud, ‘cause even though I won’t let you go

After stayin' up countless hours, this mornin' I woke up awake

(mm)

(This mornin' I woke up awake)