Awake, Pt. 1 - no.use

I felt you slip right out my arms

C’mon, how far gone are we?

Was it how hard I squeezed?

Do you really need an apology just for wanting you all to me?

Sorry, but I don’t follow, B

I think the problem with us being in love was you didn’t wanna be

But I still think about you one the hour like clockwork

You got that much power this far down the road without words

And I cut my arms every now and again, but it does not hurt

If anything, it feels good like when I starve myself

Skin lookin' like artwork

Wrists marked like barcodes

You say it’s awful, well too bad

Of faults, i’m chock full

And I’ll do what I want to

It’s my body and it’s my rules

I will not turn around for no bop who don’t even realize the hypocrisies lost

on her

The logic in me don’t even believe that you deserve a verse, let alone a whole

song

But I guess it’s what it will take to purge this fucking curse from my

conscience

And I got so many words to say, but it’s been so long since you’ve gone away

Got to stop holdin' on to this nonsense

And I been nervous and awkward

Tryna pick up these parts you tossed in the garbage

Tryna search for the man I forgot somewhere at the bottom of a bottle,

at the end of a line

‘N I’m at the end of my mind

I don’t think I’ma find the same person that I left behind

You wonder why I drink till I pass out?

‘Case I don’t think about you when I black out

So I can cack without bein' scared to close my eyes

So I can dare to actually try to catch some Zs in peace

Just leave alone my dreams for me

Their mine

I don’t need to be reminded of my life every time I need to sleep

I can’t think right

It’s like your tattooed on my mind

When I blink I see your eyes

Starin' right back into mine

You haunt me

It’s so exhausting

Leaves me wanting to drop it all and die

Smokin' cigarettes was only really ever a copin' mechanism

To congest this hole in my chest that’s gettin' a hold of my breath

Before it envelops my head

So if that lack of hope don’t crawl up my neck

You can fuckin' bet that I smoked enough grit and snorted enough shit

That, fuck it, at least I’ll still be dead

They say there’s always another guy that she textin'

Well more like 9, but I never sent any other bitch 1 message

Didn’t have no sides, seconds, no plan b

Well, I guess I paid the price for bettin' my happiness on a baddy with bad

intentions

How is it that you need so much attention, and still all of mine didn’t cut it?

You fuck ‘em like it’s nothin'

Then get mad at me just for lackin trust?

Fuck you mean, you backwards slut?

Thing is, I was your main bitch, but you were literally my only one

And I wasn’t playin' every time that I called you Satan, boo

I was just too fuckin' afraid to say «bye», when I knew you wouldn’t stay true

So I just fuck with the blade, so I can say «Look what you made me do»

So I can do what you did to me, ‘cause bitch, I’da blown out my brains for you

Even the stars in the night sky fade

But there’s a reason the scars on my left arm stay

I would’ve never believed that the love in your heart was fake

Or that I wouldn’t ever be happy again that way

Oh god

I’m still fallen for you

And I’ll be hollow till I drop into the blue

I’ll follow our shadow to the bottom of the bay

And sleep beneath the waves

And I will leave this place

Dreaming of our hearts locked together

Safely on a star off in heaven

Waiting to wake and see your face