Mr Consistency - Momus

I say the opposite of what I say

They call me Mr Consistency

I climb to the bottom of the top of the hill

And I open my shirt cos I felt a chill

Well I walk on the ceiling and my hair is grey

And I love the girls so I must be gay

I’m incredible, baby I am a dwarf

And I walk so tall that I touch the earth

You’re beautiful and you know that girl

You’re the ugliest girl in the whole wide world

I say the opposite of what I say

They call me Mr Consistency

I’m an intelligent guy and I hope to find

Some fool who’ll overestimate my mind

And you’re the most fun I have ever had

Every minute with you is a drag, drag, drag

And you’re beautiful, baby you’re so young

With your hair so grey and your life so done

And I want to make a move so I make to leave

Going to catch the last train so make a bed for me

Consistency, I think you’ll find

Is the hobgoblin of small minds

Well I hope it’s not long till you take my ring

Baby how long is a piece of string

But you’re beautiful and a one-off too

There’s an army out there baby just like you

You’re so beautiful that I’m sorry for you

And I hope I don’t mean what I really do

I’m a Rum-Tum-Tugger and a human being

With one eye blind and one eye seeing

Well you can walk through the world and walk through the sea

But you’ll never not find a girl like me

Before and after, chalk and cheese

They all look the same when you’re on your knees

My words are slippy like a snake of soap

On a rope of hope, I’m strong as oak

I have no side, I tell no lie, cos I am such a sketchy guy

I’ve got a head for heights so I don’t look down

And I love this town so I hate this town

And I wish you well cos I hear you died

You’re hot as hell you frigid dyke

You’re beautiful and here you lie

Too dead to live, too cold to die

Well I like to have a drink so I’m giving it up

And I want to eat so I’m throwing up

And I want you now and I want you here

Baby some other time, maybe next year

I say the opposite of what I say

They call me Mr Consistency