Even - Julien Baker

When is it too many times

To tell you that I think of you every night

I don’t want to make it hard on you

So I could be cruel

Yeah I could make you hate me

Would that make it easy

Did you think I forgot

The fireworks, the black eye

Trading blows on the fourth of July

But you were right, I was asking for it

I always am

It’s no good if the pain doesn’t make you feel like you earned it

And I probably deserved it

'Cause all you ever say is

«What's the point;

is anybody there to help me now»

It’s not that I think I’m good

I know that I’m evil

I guess I was trying to even it out

Isn’t that what you want

For me to be miserable like you

Well brother, you’re about to get your wish

Putting my fist through the plaster in the bathroom of a Motel 6

I must have pictured it all a thousand times

I swear to God I think I’m gonna die

I know you were right

I can’t be fixed, so help me

'Cause all you ever say is

«What's the point;

is anybody there to help me now»

It’s not that I think I’m good

I know that I’m evil

I guess I was trying to even it out