After You're Gone - Jeff Alexander, Alfred Hitchcock

My next remarks will be directed to those who have already been murdered

I hope you listen closely

By now you have learned the sad truth:

That being a murder victim can be inconvenient at times

There is a lack of certain bodily comforts

You may already be on a cold slab in a drafty morgue

Or you may be back at the scene of the crime

Still warm and limber

Waiting wearily while your murderer decides what to do with the body

This is the naughties problem connected with murder

That is, unless your assassin is the highly original gentleman I once knew

He waits until rigor mortis sets in and then uses his victims for book-ends

They make charming conversation pieces