The Loss Adjuster - Jarvis Cocker

«Sitting in the World’s End with some indie friends

A newsflash on the TV says the world’s about to end

Can’t catch all the details 'cos the volume’s turned down

This is the last night on Earth, as spent in Camden Town.»

There’s no way to escape

This is it.

Tomorrow we will all be gone

So check what time the band are on

Let’s go outside.

«Yeah and this was the night I was going to balance the books

The night I turned a minus into a plus.

The night my adjustment became complete

I could start again with a clean sheet.

Now I can’t get through 'cos all the networks are down

And fires are starting all over town.

And you’re probably being gang-banged by tattooed locals —

Damn those Yokels!

Damn those Yokels!

And a girl cries as she stumbles by,

'No, the world can’t end now — it’s got to wait

It can’t end when I haven’t got a boyfriend

And I’m half a stone overweight.'

And the guys from Arlington House are marauding the streets

And convent girls are screwing every man that they meet

And the album you just bought will never get heard

Oh yeah — complete social breakdown has occurred.

And you find yourself thinking about Egyptian Sue

And the evil things that she used to do

And the night you almost did it after the wedding reception

But you didn’t have any contraception

And anyway, you couldn’t get an erection.

Now what the hell made you think of her?

Could it be that old saying coming true?

That 'nothing could survive a nuclear holocaust

Except cockroaches, and Egyptian Sue.'

But even Sue won’t make it through

No, even Sue won’t make it through this time.

It was around this time that the levels of hysteria around the Kentish Town

Road area caused a warping of the Space / Time Continuum and I found myself

face to face with a version of myself from fifteen years earlier,

when I’d lived in the area.

'Greetings Indie Legend,' said I. 'Fuck off Sad

Bell-End, ' came the reply.

I wanted to warn him about the rough times ahead but for some reason he had his

coat pulled over his head and wouldn’t listen.

I left him trying to extricate a

punctured Spacehopper from under some rubble in a skip.

'He'll find out soon enough, ' I thought.

And then suddenly I realised that I

could no longer breath."

Here we go

Move along

One last time

The loss adjuster lost his mind

Too many claims, too little time

To file them.

«And suddenly it was a Tuesday afternoon

And I could see it all crystal-clear

Like a giant chandelier, turning slowly in the sideways sunlight

Hanging by a thread with only seconds to last

And each time you rang it was like an Indian call-centre on the line

'Yes, I’m doing fine —

Just like the last time

And the last time

Make this the last time.'»

We’ll all be gone by Monday morning

This is it, your final warning

You never did see Dog Day Afternoon.

Here today, but gone tomorrow

Now you could hang your head in sorrow

Or you could do it

But you’d better do it soon.

Now we’ll all be gone by Monday morning

This is it, your final warning

You never did see Dog Day Afternoon.

Here today, but gone tomorrow

You could hang your head in sorrow

You could do it

But you’d better do it soon.

We’ll all be gone by Monday morning

This is it, your final warning

You never did see Dog Day Afternoon.

Here today, but gone tomorrow

Now you could hang your head in sorrow

You could do it

But you’d better do it soon.