Candy Rapper - J Pee

Trashy like a candy wrapper

Shiny packaging is distracting you from my ugly center

Wish I didn’t have to wear it, I think I would fare better

But apparently we’re supposed to leave these on, so, whatever

People need to see some sort of false delusion of yourself

If you ain’t packaged right you bet your ass ain’t getting on the shelf

Put your shiny plastic on, hide the world from your neuroses

That shit’s organic though

The wrapper never decomposes

I lucked out though, didn’t I, my candy wrapper ain’t half bad

So many grocery shoppers want a piece of this ass man

(sexy)

If they only knew what was buried deep down inside

All of the things that the store manager demands me hide

If I expose my true self I’ll be ostracized

(Don't tell em)

For instance

I’m not supposed to say I want our president dead

Or I make race jokes and rape jokes every day in my head

And there’s handful of marriages that I’ve tried to subvert

And I really don’t give a fuck about Amber Alerts

It’s 1o'clock in the morning in Los Angeles, how am I supposed to find one

Chevy Silverado?

It’s fucking impossible

And to the girls I messed with in high school and took to prom

Occasionally I did fantasize about your moms

Cuz you were new to giving head, hell I couldn’t blame you

It’s just sometimes I wish your mom barged in and taught us both a thing or two

I think inside every civilized person lies a violent gorilla

And it’s not impossible to empathize with serial killers

Also, around 8 or 9 I killed a chinchilla

It was an accident, kind of

See

I was playing with him when he bit my finger, digit number ten

Before I knew it I turned into Lenny from Of Mice and Men

I think about it all the time, it left deep scars

But what really terrified me was how easy it was

I had anger issues in college, but I repressed it quite unhealthily

Which gave birth to the worst addiction I had, just fap all day to pornography

Mouse click, grip dick choreography

Memorize every inch of topography

Of my keyboard typing really fucked up shit

Not giving a fuck if the government’s watching me

Fake Taxi, Milf Hunter, Casting Couch, Bang Bros

Or a cutie putting her bootie up against gloryholes

I loved how impersonal it was, no games or grace

Chicks so horny they just wanted to fuck a dick with no face

Oo!

That one’s still a fantasy, walk into a bathroom and take a leek

And a hot chick is watching from a peephole

Begging for me to give her the J Pee D

No seriously every time I go into a public restroom I look for a hole and

there’s never a hole and I- where is it?

Guys, porn addiction is a thing

And a lot of you probably have it

And it’s tougher than you think it would be to stop jizzing all over the keys

like a rabbit

It might be worth breaking the habit

Relationships could be salvaged

I treated women with more respect once my abuse was bandaged

I’m just rambling

Feel free to take any and every word I say

Open up the trash can and throw that shit away

Like a

Candy wrapper

Candy wrapper

Candy wrapper

Yummy!

Candy rapper

Candy rapper

Candy rapper

Finally did a hook

I feel like I went too deep

Missed an opportunity

To be witty with this rap theme

And satisfy your craving, so

He a scrumptious candy bar

Treat him like a Payday

Rip him open, eat his nuts

Then I throw that bitch away

I was gonna use the metaphor with Milky Way

But the nuts thing really sold me

Plus I like them better anyway

Maybe one day, we all get bought from the store

Simultaneously unwrapped and just thrown on the floor

And realize that we kinda look the same a little bit

Easily mistaken for tiny pieces of-

Why, Why…

Were candy bars designed to look like that?

Like they just came out of

someone’s ass?

I don’t know, I don’t know I just feel like that’s an issue that would have

been foreseen

For a treat you’re supposed to give your kids on Halloween…

Ah fuck that’s the theme

That’s the theme, right there

That’s the theme of the song, I finally got there