Lonely Person Devices - Frank Zappa

Has anybody ever seen Ms.

Pinky?

Hey, now you’re gonna know what I’m talking about.

We’re gonna dedicate this whole song to Ms.

Pinky.

For those of you who don’t know about Ms.

We recently visited that colorful country Finland, and were met at the airport

by a gentleman named Erik.

Erik sees us everytime we go to Finland, he’s a very nice person.

He collects autographs and gives us presents.

And when we left Finland, Erik gave me a magazine to read on the airplane,

it was one of his favorite books.

Now a lot of people have heard quite a bit about Danish pornography,

but have you ever heard of Finnish pornography?

It’s real different.

He gave me a Finnish pornographic magazine that had some girls in it that I

couldn’t even believe that they would take pictures of 'em.

There was one or two in there that looked like Grace Slick but the rest of 'em

were hurtin', really hurtin'.

And of course the quality of the color photography was just a little bit too

far in the red direction, you know, they printed too much red and they were

showing a lot of girls with red shoes, big like this.

But when it got down to the business-like details of that interesting zone

between the legs these hunks of meat hanging down from the little bushes of

hair all looked like they were horribly infected!

Anyway, thumbing through the magazine, there was an advertisement in there for

a product, it’s a lonely person product, and I know you have quite a few lonely

person products here in Denmark: There’s so many shops that are dedicated to

the needs of the lonely German, the lonely Italian, the lonely American and the

lonely Spanish person that drifts into your territory.

Now, there are many lonely person products, you know, the most basic of all of

these is the vibrator.

And uh, it, it can be very usefull and entertaining used properly.

But when you start branching out to little things like Rover’s Reamer…

Has anybody ever seen Rover’s Reamer?

It’s a plastic dog dick about this long with a crank in the end of it.

Now that is definitely a lonely person product, and Ms.

Pinky is another one of those special lonely person products.

Ms.

Pinky is shorter than the average girl because she doesn’t have a BODY,

all she’s got is a HEAD.

She’s got a rubber head and her eyes are closed and her mouth is WIDE OPEN an

she’s got her lips rolled back over her teeth so she doesn’t hurt you very much.

And she’s washable.

So we’re gonna dedicate this song to Ms.

Pinky for all the good work that she has done for everybody who sent away for

her in the Finnish magazine, and especially for the guy in the back who has

probably got Ms.

Pinky sitting in his lap right now, tucked away underneath of his overcoat,

just down there, having a good time…