Jesus Envy - Eric Schwartz

Snow is falling in the city

Past the windows which cast a glow

Through the curtains, friends and flirtin'

Christmas trees and mistletoe

Snow keeps fallin' in the city

Powdered sugar on the hats of passersby

And all I can do is eat Moo Shu

And cry, cry, cry

'cause I’ve got Jesus Envy

Jesus Envy

I remember each December

As the preparations reached a fevered peak

And the Tabors, my next-door neighbors

Would jump into high gear each Christmas week

And all their tree lights and other delights

Made my menorah look like someone’s cruel hoax

‘Til my shrink, Dr. Charoses made the diagnosis

And named the feeling that each Christmastime evokes

He called it Jesus Envy

Jesus Envy

Don’t get me wrong.

I’m proud to be a member of the tribe

But I abhor Manischewitz all the more

With every glass of eggnog I imbibe

And I always give a dollar to the sidewalk Santas

As they ring their little bells outside the stores

'cause they say that Christmas isn’t Christmas without the Salvation Army

And herpes isn’t herpes without the sores

Old Ebenezer was a grumpy grouchy geezer

Who would rather lose a leg than spend a pound

One day I asked him why, and his answer was surprising

He said he couldn’t find a tzedakah box around

You see, old Ebenezer was really Eleazer

And he didn’t say «Bah Humbug

Just the baruch-hu

Maybe Ebenezer just had Jesus envy too

He had Jesus Envy

Jesus Envy