Settle For Me - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast, Rachel Bloom

When we’re together

I feel so grand

My heart goes tippity-tap-tap-tap

When I hold your hand

But I know there’s another guy

You fancy more

So, even though

I’m not the one you adore

Why not…

Settle for me

Darling, just settle for me

I think you’ll have to agree

We make quite a pair

I know I’m only second place in this game

But like two-percent milk

Or seitan beef

I almost taste the same

So won’t you settle for me

Come on and settle for me

Say yes or no before I choke on all this swallowed pride

I have no problem being picked out from the bottom

If he’s your broken condom, I’m Plan B!

So lower those expectations and settle for me

Am I okay with this?

Totally!

Settle for me

Babycakes, just settle for me

Schmoopy-pie, I’m beggin' you, please

Can’t you see the light?

Sugar jugs, I’m so bereft!

Demeaning terms are all that I have left

Of my masculinity

So, settle for me

Little girl

Don’t make me feel like a little girl

Exposed and raw

Whose boobs can’t even fill a training bra

…Let's pretend I didn’t say that

Settle for me

It’s a practical proposal

Settle for me

It makes a certain sense

He’s a fantasy

But hey, let’s think this through

Yes, Josh is a dream, but I’m right here

In flesh and blood and self-hate

Settle for me

In a sad way, darling, it’s fate

You’re like Rocky V to Rocky

Solange to Beyoncé

Not asking to be your fiancé

But if tonight or tomorrow

If you happen to be free

Maybe, just maybe

Settle for me!