Birthday, Bitch! - Cast Recording

ZACK

Bet this really takes you back

KYRA

I could never find yours, Zack

NADIA

Excuse me!

MATT

What the hell is that?

RORY

It’s a piñata, Matt

LUCAS

Put it there instead

KYRA

Wouldn’t want to hit your head

NADIA

I wrote a song for us to sing

ZACK

They’ll be here any minute

RORY

I need tape

LUCAS

Got cups?

MATT

A plate?

NADIA

When I go like this, we’ll begin it!

RORY, NADIA & KYRA

Happy birthday Ivy, you are the special birthday bitch!

NADIA

We go you some Vagisil to help clear up that nasty itch!

PETER

That’s pretty, Nadia

ZACK

She’ll love that!

ALAN

Towels, stat!

LUCAS

She’s gonna die!

NADIA

If we should be so lucky

PETER

Be nice

NADIA

Why?

RORY

Mary Jane made some brownies.

They’re dope!

KYRA

My favorite!

RORY

Mine too!

LUCAS

Oooh!

Spacecakes!

PETER

Cool!

Who made these?

RORY

Does he know?

LUCAS

Please

PETER

Know what?

ALAN

I need a cup

ZACK

I may have to crash here tonight there’s no way I’m gonna make it home

NADIA

What the hell, the bed’s still warm, 'cause Ivy never sleeps alone

Same old gift from different givers;

throw the dog another bone!

MATT

Time to go

LUCAS

Sorry, bro

MATT

Are those her panties?

KYRA

Yes, indeed!

LUCAS

Guess who’s horny?

JASON

Him

GIRLS

Agreed!

LUCAS

Open shop, take all you need!

NADIA

I would wear three

MATT

Maybe I’m not being clear…

DIANE

They’re here!

LUCAS

Quiet!

ZACK

These are so good!

NADIA

Sing out, Louise!

ALAN

Guys, where are all the cups?

ALL

Shut up!

Happy birthday Ivy, you’re the ugliest of all

You are the worst and most perverse to roam Cecilia’s hallowed halls!

Your mother was a hooker and your father was a dick

He poked her in a toaster and the pair produced a pig

Whose brain is awfully tiny and whose ass is awfully big

Happy birthday bitch!

Happy birthday bitch!

Happy birthday Ivy, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!

NADIA

Then they took that little bitch and they fucked her in the ass…

Sorry

MATT

Happy Birthday!

DIANE

Matt planned the party!

MATT

Some of it

IVY

Thank you, this is very sweet

MATT

She’s loaded, what happened to her?

TANYA

You told me to ‘keep her busy'

PETER

You don’t wanna play?

JASON

Nah… why are you so happy?

PETER

I wish your piñata were that big!

JASON

You do know those are pot brownies?

PETER

Oops

'want to go back to the rave

The two of us dancing together

Out there in the open

So then what’s stopping us now?

I hear our song on the radio

And I don’t care who knows

JASON

Lower your voice…

What is wrong with you?

PETER

I think we’re missing so much

Jason, I wish I could shout it

Shout how much I love you!

JASON

Hey

IVY

Hey, you any good with a stick?

JASON

What have you heard?

IVY

Come help me

JASON

Sure… give me one sec'

PETER

Don’t go

JASON

Peter, stop!

PETER

God, but the rave-

JASON

-Was different

We don’t live in a rave

Look, you have to stop acting like this…

PETER

Like what?

Your boyfriend?