Crux - Before I Turn

I wake up and I’m sitting upon

The edge of a chair with no light to shine

My eyes adjust to the darkness and feel for a sign

My arms are locked in close and I can’t feel a thing

I clench my jaw till my face starts to sting

«Decisions, decisions, you’ve got one more to make

Just one more life for you to selfishly take»

I’m just an empty host, watch as I fall

She’s just a vixen, conning me to end it all

Take me, leave me out to dry

Be my aggressor, tell me not to cry

Heaven turn me into a thrall

Give me the courage to end it all

Time begins to haunt me as I

Focus on the depths of the click

The clock hands wrap around my neck

To show me all the pain I inflict

Please tell me if you lived

Would you say that it’s true?

Would you still love me as the mother

Or the lover I once knew?

She’s just too real to me

She’s just a fucking dream

She rests inside of my mouth

And makes me bite my tongue, the blood comes rushing out

Draining, draining, the blood drains away

Dying, dying, I’m dying today

Feeling, feeling, I’m feeling alive

Devil, devil, I give you my life

Take me, leave me out to dry

Be my aggressor, tell me not to cry

Heaven turn me into a thrall

Give me the courage to end it all

Take me, leave me out to dry

Be my aggressor, tell me not to cry

Heaven turn me into a thrall

Give me the courage to end it all

«Darkness overtakes the room

No sight, no sound, nobody

As I perspire I feel the cold chill of sweat

Slide down my body, slicing me like a frozen blade

The room, although enclosed

Gains the presence of a frigid wind nearing me

It’s grim, it’s deathly, it’s beautiful

My tongue rests between my teeth

As I hesitate to lock my jaw shut

The frigid presence wraps around me like motherly apathy

«Clench your jaw shut, it will all be over soon

No more pain, no more agony

No more living with the immense guilt

That I have inflicted on you

Do it my son, I swear that you’ll die»