Taking Lessons - Allan Sherman

The modern family\nHas time to burn.\nWe all take lessons,\nWe try to learn.\nThe latest new thing’s\nWe never do things,\nWe just take lessons.\nMy daughter Linda,\nShe takes ballet.\nHer first recital\nWas yesterday.\nShe dropped her tutu\nAnd her left shoe too.\nShe needs more lessons.\nThen there’s my daughter Dottie,\nShe takes guitar, that’s true.\nJunior, he takes karate.\nSmashed her guitar in two.\nFor all these lessons,\nI have to pay.\nI must raise money.\nI found a way.\nRead my brochure folks,\nLearn how to be poor folks.\nI’m giving lessons.\nOur brand new puppy,\nHis name is spot,\nHe’s being house-trained,\nOur rug is shot.\nOur very best room\nBecame his restroom.\nWhat good are lessons?\nTom studies driving,\nHe took a ride.\nHe saw two buses\nSide by side.\nHe must have seen them,\nHe drove between them.\nDoes anybody wanna buy a long thin Mustang?\nMy wife takes cooking lessons.\nSo help me, she flunked poached egg.\nI took one skiing lesson.\nYou’re wrong folks — I broke my arm.\nI called the doctor\nIn great despair.\nBut it was Wednesday,\nHe’s never there.\nHe’s on the links, folks.\nHis putting stinks, folks.\nHe’s taking lessons.