Phony Calls - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Mom and dad are goin' out for the evening

And you’re stuck inside the house all alone

That’s when you decide it might be fun to harass someone

Dial a random number up on your telephone

You ask if their refrigerator is running

Then you tell 'em they should go out and catch it

Buddy, if they ever figured out where you were callin' 'em from

They’d come and bust your head right in with a ratchet

Listen to me

Don’t go makin' phony calls

Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you’re used to

I know that you think it’s funny driving folks right up the wall

But it’s really getting old fast

Little Melvin has a natural obsession

Asking for Prince Albert in a can

He gets a kick each time he makes a collect call

To some guy he doesn’t know who lives in Japan

He’s calling strangers up at three in the morning

Gives 'em pizza pie delivery at four

He won’t be laughin' when they’re tracin' his line

One day the phone police will be there at his door

Yo, hear me

Don’t go makin' phony calls

Only dial the seven-digit numbers you’re used to

Swear someday I’m gonna yank that phone

Cord right out from the wall

How long is this phase gonna last?

Come on

Moe’s Tavern, where the elite meet to drink

Uh, yeah, hello, is Mike there?

Last name Rotch

Hold on, I’ll check

My crotch!

My crotch!

Hey, has anybody seen my crotch lately?

Listen to me, you little puke

One of these days, I’m gonna catch you

And I’m gonna carve my name on your back with an icepick

Don’t go makin' phony calls

Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you’re used to

You went through the New York City phone book

And prank-called 'em all

Hope that you grow out of this fast

Grow out of this fast

Don’t go makin' phony calls

Only dial the seven-digit numbers you’re used to

But you think it’s funny when you’re drivin' folks right up the wall

But you’re just a pain in the …