Couch Potato - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Look, if you had, one shot

To sit on your lazy butt, and watch all the TV you ever wanted

Until your brain turned to mush, would you go for it

Or just let it slip?

Yo

Remote is ready, eyes wide, palms are sweaty

There’s Flintstones on the TV already, Wilma and Betty

No virgin to channel surfin', and I’m HD ready

So I flip, garbage is all I’m getting

There’s Simon Cowell, who folks wanna disembowel

He opens his mouth, always says something foul

They’re dying wow, wannabes are crying now

He votes 'em out, time to throw in the towel

Shows based on reality, oh the humanity

Oh, Ozzy’s family sure loves profanity

Woah, the insanity, oh, dogs that crap and pee

Home of depravity?

No, they live happily

Yo, plus Da Ali G Show, and Celebrity Mole

Oh there’s Anna Nicole, she’s scarin' me

Look, Ma — No cavities!

Oh, it’s a station break

Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

You’re gonna lose your mind watching TV

They told me, they’d scold me, but I’d still tune into every show

My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO

The Travel Channel, Discovery and Lifetime

You’re gonna lose your mind watching TV

They told me, cajoled me, «Turn off those music videos!»

I’m gonna watch C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO

The History Channel, and QVC, and Lifetime

You’re gonna…

My butt is aching, as I watch NASCAR racing

That show about undertaking, Larry King

To 24, to Law & Order

The Weather Channel’s boring like 60 Minutes

Ancient reporters, next up on E!

True Hollywood Story

The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey

Shows for next fall, they’ve already been namin'

CSI: Boise, and Touched by an Uncle

Both sound pretty lame, and

So does Everybody Tolerates Raymond

And King of Queens jumped the shark the first minute

I can’t believe Richard Simmons ain’t in it

I move right on to 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter

Then I bet I watch The Bachelorette

Followed by Welcome Back, Kotter

And The Muppet Show where they go «Mahna Mahna»

You’re gonna lose your mind watching TV

They told me, they’d scold me, but I’d still tune into every show (oh)

My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO

The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime

You’re gonna lose your mind watching TV

They told me, cajoled me, but I still love Lisa Kudrow (oh)

I’m lookin at C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO

The Playboy Channel, and Court TV, and Lifetime

You’re gonna…

Never miss Melrose Place or Lost in Space

I’ve seen each Amazing Race and Without a Trace

But I only watched Will & Grace, one time, one day

Wish I hadn’t, 'cause TiVo now thinks I’m gay

Oh, and Fear Factor, I watched maybe a half hour

After that, felt like I needed a long shower

Network execs with naked ambition

Next week on FOX watch lions eat Christians

Like to tie up those programming planners

Make them watch all that junk until their heads explode just like Scanners

Leech-covered, grub-eating fools on Survivor

Look, there’s James Lipton discussing the oeuvre

Of Mr. Rob Schneider

And there’s Gilligan and SpongeBob

Plus there’s MacGyver

And Jay Leno has got Madonna

Hey, there’s Luke Perry

And a special all Pig Latin episode of Drew Carey

Wanna turn on ET

'Cause I’m a gossip freak

And I gotta know who J-Lo is marrying this week

A 30-second spot

Welcome back to Are You Hot?

I was planning on recording The Sopranos — I forgot

I love shows with or without a plot

I’ll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot

Because I only have got one brain to rot

I’m gonna spend my life watching television a lot

You’re gonna lose your mind watching TV

They told me, they’d scold me, but I still tune into every show (oh)

My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO

The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime

You’re gonna lose your mind watching TV

They told me, cajoled me, turn off that Oprah Winfrey show (oh)

I got it on C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO

The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime

You’re gonna…

You can watch anything you want to, man