CNR - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man

The kind of man you’d never disrespect

He stood eight feet tall, wore glasses

And had a third nipple on the back of his neck

He ate his own weight in coal, excreted diamonds everyday

He could throw you down a flight of stairs

But you still would love him anyway

Yeah, you know you’d love him anyway

Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France

With two flat tires and a missing chain

He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry

I’m telling you the man was insane

He could rip out your beating heart

And show it to you before you died

Everyday he’d make the host of Match Game

Give him a piggyback ride

Yeah, two hour piggyback ride, giddy up Gene

Ninja warrior, master of disguise

He could melt your brain with his laser-beam eyes, Oh yeah

Oh yeah

He had his own line at the DMV

He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee

Oh yeah

Oh yeah, that was something to see, I tell ya

Charles Nelson Reilly sold his toenail clippings

As a potent aphrodisiac

He ran a four minute mile blindfolded

With an engine block strapped to his back

He could eat more frozen waffles

Then any other man I know

Once he fell off the Chrysler building

And he barely even stubbed his toe

Had a tiny little scratch on his toe

Didn’t even hurt

Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion

But he never ever told a soul

I’ve seen the man unhinge his jaw

And swallow a Volkswagen whole

He’d bash your face in with a shovel

If you didn’t treat him like a star

You could spit at the wind, or tug at Superman’s cape

But Lord knows you don’t mess around with CNR

No, no, no

Talkin' about CNR