Delaney's Donkey - Val Doonican

Now Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired

Temporarily lazy and permanently tired

A leg at every corner balancing his head

And a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be fed

Riley slyly said we’ve underrated it, why not train it, then they took a rag

They rubbed it, scrubbed it, they oiled and embrocated it

Got it at the post and when the starter dropped the flag

There was Riley pushin' it, shovin' it, shushin' it

Hogan, Logan and everyone in town

Lined up, attackin' it and shovin' it and smackin' it

They might as well have tried to push the Town Hall down

The donkey was eyein' them, openly defyin' them

Winkin', blinkin' and twistin' out of place

Riley reversin' it, everybody cursin' it

The day Delaney’s donkey ran the halfmile race

The muscles of the mighty never known to flinch

They couldn’t move the donkey a quarter of an inch

Delaney lay exhausted, hangin' round his throat

With a grip just like a Scotsman on the five pound note

Starter, Carter, he lined up with the rest of them

When it saw them, it was willin' then

It raced up, braced up, ready for the best of them

They started off to cheer it but it changed its mind again

And there was Riley pushin' it, shovin' it, shushin' it

Hogan, Logan and Mary Ann Macgraw

She started pokin' it an' grabbin' it an' chokin' it

It kicked her in the bustle and it laughed hee-hah

The whigs and conservatives, the radical superlatives

Liberals and tories, they hurried to the place

Stood there in unity, helpin' the community

The day Delaney’s donkey ran the halfmile race

The crowd began to cheer it, then Rafferty, the judge

He came up to assist them, but still it wouldn’t budge

And the jockey who was ridin' it, little John McGee

Was so thoroughly disgusted that he went and had his tea

Hagan, Fagan were students of psychology

Swore they’d shift him with some dynamite

They bought it, brought it, and without apology

The donkey gave a sneeze and blew the whole lot out of sight

There was Riley pushin' it, shovin' it, shushin' it

Hogan, Logan and all the bally crew

Police, and auxiliary, the Garrison Artillery

The Second Enniskillen’s and the Life Guards too

They seized it and harried it, they picked it up and carried it

Cheered it, steered it to the winnin' place

Then the bookmakers drew aside and they all committed suicide

The day Delaney’s donkey won the half — mile — race