Step Right Up - Tom Waits

Step right up step right up step right up

Everyone’s a winner bargains galore

That’s right you too can be the proud owner

Of the quality goes in before the name goes on

One-tenth of a dollar one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after sales

You need perfume?

we got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?

Something for the little lady something for the little lady

Something for the little lady hmm

Three for a dollar

We got a year-end clearance we got a white sale

And a smoke-damaged furniture you can drive it away today

Act now act now and receive as our gift our gift to you

They come in all colors one size fits all

No muss no fuss no spills you’re tired of kitchen drudgery

Everything must go going out of business going out of business

Going out of business sale

Fifty percent off original retail price skip the middle man

Don’t settle for less

How do we do it how do we do it volume volume turn up the volume

Now you’ve heard it advertised don’t hesitate

Don’t be caught with your drawers down

Don’t be caught with your drawers down

You can step right up step right up

That’s right, it filets it chops it dices slices

Never stops lasts a lifetime mows your lawn

And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school

It gets rid of unwanted facial hair

It gets rid of embarrassing age spots

It delivers a pizza and it lengthens and it strengthens

And it finds that slipper that’s been at large under the chaise lounge for

several weeks

And it plays a mean Rhythm Master

It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar

And it’s only a dollar step right up it’s only a dollar step right up

'cause it forges your signature

If not completely satisfied mail back unused portion of product

For complete refund of price of purchase

Step right up

Please allow thirty days for delivery don’t be fooled by cheap imitations

You can live in it live in it laugh in it love in it

Swim in it sleep in it

Live in it swim in it laugh in it love in it

Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets that’s right

And it entertains visiting relatives it turns a sandwich into a banquet

Tired of being the life of the party?

Change your shorts change your life change your life

Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy get rid of your wife

And it walks your dog and it doubles on sax

Doubles on sax you can jump back Jack see you later alligator

See you later alligator

And it steals your car

It gets rid of your gambling debts it quits smoking

It’s a friend and it’s a companion

And it’s the only product you will ever need

Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing

Well it takes weights off hips bust thighs chin midriff

Gives you dandruff and it finds you a job it is a job

And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange

And it gives you denture breath

And you know it’s a friend and it’s a companion

And it gets rid of your traveler’s checks

It’s new it’s improved it’s old-fashioned

Well it takes care of business never needs winding

Never needs winding never needs winding

Gets rid of blackheads the heartbreak of psoriasis

Christ you don’t know the meaning of heartbreak buddy

C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon

'cause it’s effective it’s defective it creates household odors

It disinfects it sanitizes for your protection

It gives you an erection it wins the election

Why put up with painful corns any longer?

It’s a redeemable coupon no obligation no salesman will visit your home

We got a jackpot jackpot jackpot prizes prizes prizes all work guaranteed

How do we do it how do we do it how do we do it how do we do it

We need your business we’re going out of business

We’ll give you the business

Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale

Receive our free brochure free brochure

Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions batteries not included

Send before midnight tomorrow terms available

Step right up step right up step right up

You got it buddy the large print giveth and the small print taketh away

Step right up you can step right up you can step right up

C’mon step right up

Get away from me kid you bother me

Step right up step right up step right up c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon

Step right up you can step right up c’mon and step right up

C’mon and step right up