Plastic Jesus - Tia Blake

Well, I don’t care if it rains or freezes,

Long as I have my plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Through all trials and tribulations,

We will travel every nation,

With my plastic Jesus I’ll go far.

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Through all trials and tribulations,

We will travel every nation,

With my plastic Jesus I’ll go far.

I don’t care if it rains or freezes

As long as I’ve got my Plastic Jesus

Glued to the dashboard of my car,

You can buy Him phosphorescent

Glows in the dark, He’s Pink and Pleasant,

Take Him with you when you’re travelling far

I don’t care if it’s dark or scary

Long as I have magnetic Mary

Ridin' on the dashboard of my car

I feel I’m protected amply

I’ve got the whole damn Holy Family

Riding on the dashboard of my car

You can buy a Sweet Madonna

Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a

Pedestal of abalone shell

Goin' ninety, I’m not wary

'Cause I’ve got my Virgin Mary

Guaranteeing I won’t go to Hell

I don’t care if it bumps or jostles

Long as I got the Twelve Apostles

Bolted to the dashboard of my car

Don’t I have a pious mess

Such a crowd of holiness

Strung across the dashboard of my car

No, I don’t care if it rains or freezes

Long as I have my plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

But I think he’ll have to go

His magnet ruins my radio

And if we have a wreck he’ll leave a scar

Riding through the thoroughfare

With his nose up in the air

A wreck may be ahead, but he don’t mind

Trouble coming, he don’t see

He just keeps his eyes on me

And any other thing that lies behind

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Though the sun shines on his back

Makes him peel, chip, and crack

A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross

I let them know who’s boss

I never blow my horn or give them warning

I ride all over town

Trying to run them down

And it’s seldom that they live to see the morning

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

His halo fits just right

And I use it as a sight

And they’ll scatter or they’ll splatter near and far

When I’m in a traffic jam

He don’t care if I say Damn

I can let all sorts of curses roll

Plastic Jesus doesn’t hear

For he has a plastic ear

The man who invented plastic saved my soul

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Once his robe was snowy white

Now it isn’t quite so bright

Stained by the smoke of my cigar

God made Christ a Holy Jew

God made Him a Christian too

Paradoxes populate my car

Joseph beams with a feigned elan

From the shaggy dash of my furlined van

Famous cuckold in the master plan

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling

Jesus dainty and beguiling

Knee-deep in the piling of my van

His message clear by night or day

My phosphorescent plastic Gay

Simpering from the dashboard of my van

When I’m goin' fornicatin

I got my ceramic Satan

Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home

The women know I’m on the level

Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home

Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home

Leering from the dashboard of my van

If I weave around at night

And the police think I’m tight

They’ll never find my bottle, though they ask

Plastic Jesus shelters me

For His head comes off, you see

He’s hollow, and I use Him for a flask

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus

Riding on the dashboard of my car

Ride with me and have a dram

Of the blood of the Lamb

Plastic Jesus is a holy bar