Cardboard Man - The Cool Greenhouse

Well I love the women

Y’know, they’re so good at cooking

And I love the coloureds

They’re just so damn good-looking

I even love the gays

Y’know, one does my hair-cutting

And when I see a pig’s head

Y’know I think of nothing

'Cause I’m a cardboard man

Yes I’m a cardboard man

Well my thoughts are all cardboard

I’m just like my old man

And I’m down with the kids

'Cause my facts are alternative

And I won Strictly Come Dancing

Oh, without even trying

And I’ve got a nasty coke habit

Good thing you know nothing about it

I’ve got medium-sized hands

There’s no two ways about it

I’m a cardboard man

I’m a cardboard cut-out

Yes, I’m a cardboard man

Oh I’m made of wet cardboard, white cardboard

My favourite metal is gold

My favourite liquid is water

My favourite gas is hot air

And I love Harry Potter

Y’know I’m a West Ham supporter

Or was it Aston Villa?

Well, you can see right through me

I’m like a glass of water

'Cause I’m a cardboard man, man

Yes, I’m a cardboard man

Take a photo of me

Down your local boozer

I’m just an ordinary geezer

But with a Smeg fridge-freezer

And I care about everyone

As much as cardboard can

I didn’t ask to be comfortable

Well, pity the white man

Y’know I’m a laid back guy

I never ask for trouble

But if you look at me funny

I’m gonna drop a bomb on your hospital

And I did not have sexual relations with that woman

Or with that pig

Now throw tomatoes

At the cardboard man

Throw all your tomatoes

As hard as you can

And if you’ve got a lettuce

Well, you can throw that too

Oh, throw all your vegetables

At this cardboard fool