Terrible Ghost - Stephen Lynch

Oh, I can’t even wish for death

Because I drew my last breath

About a thousand years ago

Know all I can do is roam

Around someone else’s home

Haunting people I don’t know

I get sad every night

I look bad, wearing white

I’m a terrible ghost

A really terrible ghost

How I wish that I could quit

Cause I hate all this spooky shit

I’d rather smoke a bowl instead

I don’t mean to be untoward

But fuck a Ouija board

I think I’ll just go back to bead

And have a cry

Watch tv

My dad was right

He always said I’d be

Such a terrible ghost

Useless, lazy ghost

I dream every night

That I’ve learned how to scare a child or two

But then when I wake up, I realize

I still don’t know boo

About being a ghost

All the other ghosts are dicks

Cruel to me

Don’t get me started on those chicks

They see right through me

Man, when is it over?

This sad, sad song

Oh, eternity?

That’s cool

That’s not very long

I don’t care I’m too forlorn, it’s not fair, I never asked to be born

And dead.

Then undead

Like I said, I’m a terrible ghost

A really terrible ghost

Fuck you dad