Superhero - Stephen Lynch

If I could be a Superhero

I would be Awesome Man

I’d fly around the world fighting crime

According to my Awesome Plan

And if I saw criminals trying to lie

Hurting other people and making them cry

I’d haul them off to jail in my Awesome Van

Because I would be Awesome Man

(Now some criminals want you to be a criminal, and they offer you things like

drugs and alcohol, but we know what to do kids, we just say no.)

If I could be a Superhero

I would be Drug-Free Boy

Telling the world of the evils of drugs

And the lives that they destroy

And all of the junkies getting so high

With their needles and bongs and sticks made of thai

I’d burn them alive and I would squeal with joy

Cause I would be Drug-Free Boy

If I could be a Superhero

I’d be Immigration Dude

I’d send all the foreigners back to their homes

For eating up all of our food

For taking our welfare and best jobs to boot

Like landscaping, dishwashing, picking our fruit

I’d pass lots of laws to get rid of their brood

Because I would be Immigration Dude

(Kids, you can make up your own superhero. If you could, who would you be?)

If you could be a Superhero

Would you be Justice Guy?

Making sure people get what they deserve

Especially women who lie

Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job

To run off to f---ing Hawaii with some doctor named Bob

You could skin them and drain them of blood til they die

Especially Bob

Then you would be Justice Guy

Or you could be subtle, I didn’t mean to be vague

Give her Mad Cow disease & let him die of the plague

As long as they suffer for their terrible lie

Especially Bob

Then you would be Justice Guy

Then you would be a Superhero, like me