The Flightless Bird Song - Rhett and Link, Steve Kardynal

Here we see the bearded Cardinal

In his native habitat

Welcome to the Walmart parking lot

Coolin' off beneath the shade

Of a '92 Cadillac

Could life get any better?

But there’s a sad truth

Like a flower that won’t blossom

He’ll never do the one thing

That makes being a bird awesome

Unlike his bird brethren

Traversing the sky

The bearded Cardinal

Will never fly

Excuse me

I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear

Did you say I can’t fly?

Yeah.

You’re the bearded Cardinal, a flightless bird

Y’know what?

I’m cool with that

In fact, I see it as a positive

I wanna sing about it

I got a big beak

Feathers on fleek

I keep cool in the heat by flapping my vestigial wings

I’m down to Earth

In fact I hate heights

Who needs working wings when you’re this fly?

I regurgitate meals

Into my kids' mouths

I never get sucked into a jet or hit the side of a house

Here comes a shopping cart

At a pretty high speed

If I was a bettin' bird I’d bet the cart’s about to hit me

Ohhhhhhhhh!

It did

Ohhhhhhhhh!

It hurts

Ohhhhhhhhh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

I’m dead