The Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone (The End?) - Ray Stevens

Well my wife went out of town 'bout a year or so back

And left me at home by myself to batch

And after five straight nights of TV I was ready to scream

So I called up this beer drinkin' buddy of mine

And said, «Bill, I ain’t havin' a real good time.»

He said, «Why don’t we go to the wrasslin' matches and let off

A little steam?»

Now I’d never seen the matches before

And by the time we reached that arena door

The crowd was already backed up plumb out into the street

Yeah, people were pushin' and shovin' like cattle

Just gettin' in line was a heck of a battle

We had to fight like the devil, but we finally got ring-side seats

Well, we bought a program as we passed through the door

Went to section D, seats 3 and 4

And about that time, the announcer stepped into the ring

He said, «Tonight's the greatest card ever been signed

We got a tag-team match that’ll blow yer mind!»

Then they lowered the lights and the crowd began to scream

He introduced the Spider from parts unknown

With his trusty partner, The Blue Cyclone

They were takin' on a team that never had been beat

Then the ref checked 'em over and the rules were explained

And somebody hollered, «THE SPIDER’S GOT A CHAIN!!»

Then some old lady with blue hair fell right out of her seat

Well they rang the bell and all Hell broke loose

My legs was shakin' like a rubber goose

I’d never seen anything like this, not even in the war!

The Cyclone put the Vulture in an airplane spin

Then he body slammed him, and then he did it again

I swear I didn’t see how that 'ol boy could take much more

It was right about then in the thick of things

That my buddy Bill threw a chair in the ring

And I knew we’d better be headin' for the door

'Cause I saw the Cyclone lookin' at us

And he was rubbin' his head and he’s startin' to cuss

And I knew if he caught us he’d break Bill’s neck for sure

Well, where we parked wasn’t too far

And Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car

Locked the doors and wasn’t about to let anyone in

And I turned around and the Cyclone was there

And he said, «Hey punk, you forgot your chair!»

And by the look in his eyes, I knew that this was the end

Then he body slammed me two or three times

And he put his arms around me from behind

Then he pile-drived me right there in the hard concrete

Broke both my arms and three of my ribs

It’s the closest I’ve ever come to being killed

And that’s the last thing I remember 'fore he put me to sleep

Blue Cyclone

He’s the meanest rascal the ring has ever known

He’ll make you groan, he’ll make you moan

He’ll lay you prone and break your bones

Blue Cyclone…

I woke up in a hospital bed

Stars a-circlin' around my head

And a plaster cast on just about every bone

But the doctor said I’d be just fine

«These things just take a little time…»

And three weeks later, he let me go back home

But I laid in bed three weeks just thinkin'

«I believe I coulda took him if I hadn’t been drinkin'

So the next time we meet, I won’t be on no binge

«Cause I hadn’t been the same since we had that fight

And I’d see that Cyclone in my dreams at night

And I won’t be satisfied 'til I get revenge…»

Well, the first thing my wife said when I got home

Was, «You'd better leave that Cyclone alone»

She said, «You might not be so lucky next time.»

So, I says to her, «Beg your pardon, ma’am

But it wasn’t YOU who got the body slam,»

Then I changed the subject, 'cause I done made up my mind

Then I called up Bill and told him my plan

And all he said was, «Right on, man!

I’d do the same durn thing if it’d been me

It all happened so quick when that car door slammed

It musta broke something, 'cause the door locks jammed

You was already down, he’s gone time I got free."

Bill said, «Since yer thinkin' 'bout takin' him again

I know two ol' boys who weigh 210

They’d wade through hell just to fight a circle saw

They both lift weights, so you know they’re mean

And the four of us would make a heck of a team

We might not win, but we’d durn-sure fight to a draw."

Well, we talked it over, they said they’s willin'

They’d stop at nothing, short of killin'

Said «Hoss, we’ll back you as long as you wanna fight.»

So I checked around at a few of the bars

And found out where all the wrasslin' stars

Hung out after the matches every Wednesday night

Well, I got there early the following week

And found me a table where I could see the street

And waited for the Blue Cyclone to hit the door

Well, after a while, he finally appeared

Sat down at the bar, and ordered a beer

And he barely took a sip 'fore I stepped to the middle of the floor

I yelled, «Hey Cyclone!

Remember me?

I’m the guy you put to sleep

Only this time, you can see I’m not alone.

Ha ha

You see them two big dudes over there?"

The Cyclone looked and said, «Over where?»

And I turned around, and I’m a son of a gun, they was gone!

Then the Cyclone looked at me and grinned

And he said, «Okay punk, here we go again

It seems to me that some guys never learn.»

And then he waded through them tables and chairs

Put a full-nelson on me, and grabbed my hair

And when he threw me to the floor, I was starting to get concerned

Then came a birrage of judo chops

And I was beggin' somebody to call the cops

Before the Cyclone could commit a mortal crime

I sure breathed a sigh of relief

When I heard them ambulance sirens scream

'Cause I’d be dead now, if they hadn’t gotten there on time

The next thing I remember, they was carryin' me in

And the doctor said, «Oh no, you again?»

I said, «Doctor, how long you thing it’ll be this time?»

He said, «Boy, if you don’t leave that Cyclone alone

One of these days, you ain’t goin' home!

You’ll need the undertaker’s services, not mine.»

Blue Cyclone

He’s the meanest rascal the ring has ever known

He’ll make you groan, he’ll make you moan

He’ll lay you prone and break your bones

Blue Cyclone

The Blue Cyclone