Heatongrad - Paul Heaton, Jacqui Abbott

Fuck the king and fuck the queen, with an AK-47

Line them up against the walls, then let them talk to heaven

Give them same dice they gave us and let them roll a seven

Welcome to Heatongrad

When your friendly local tax dodger is lynched for all to see

And the newspaper editors swing from neighbouring tree

When the trains and buses, education, health & safety’s free

Welcome to Heatongrad

Remember Tonygrad?

The launching of the lad’s mag to the streets of Baghdad

That made you oh so sad

The left so far up cleft, like the first meal they’d had

They treated dear old Blighty like some dirt-cheap shag

Now they’re paying zero tax at Richard Branson’s pad…

Fuck the army, fuck the law, and fuck their uniform

You don’t need no medal to know where you were born

You don’t need no tattooed arm to know that you’re now sworn

Sworn into Heatongrad

Rob the rich to feed the poor, we’ll tax their bleeding blood

Till the brain drain we dreamt about drains down to where it should

The sewer rat, the alley cat, are back in charge of hood

Welcome to Heatongrad

Remember Tonygrad?

The launching of the lad’s mag to the streets of Baghdad

That made you oh so sad

The left so far up cleft, like the first meal they’d had

They treated dear old Blighty like some dirt-cheap shag

Now they’re paying zero tax at Richard Branson’s pad…

Freedom’s just a clever word the mighty like to use

Election, chance to drop your pants and see who actually screws

Liberty don’t pay your bills or put your kids in shoes

Welcome to Heatongrad

Where the only person using car is those who cannot walk

Where a wheelchair’s an ability, not a chance to stop and gawk

Leave the army now, you fools, and join the Heaton Corps

Sign up to Heatongrad

Ban advertising, patronising, sexualising young

Take ladder of success and grease up every rung

Women, if you need a need a voice, fill each and every lung

Sing along to Heatongrad

Sing along to Heatongrad…