Deteriorata - National Lampoon

You are a fluke\nOf the universe.\nYou have no right to be here…\nDeteriorata! Deteriorata!\nGo placidly\nAmid the noise and waste.\nAnd remember what comfort there may be In owning a piece thereof.\nAvoid quiet and passive persons\nUnless you are in need of sleep.\nRo-tate your tires.\nSpeak glowingly of those greater than yourself\nAnd heed well their advice,\nEven though they be turkeys.\nKnow what to kiss… And when!\nConsider that two wrongs never make a right\nBut that three… Do.\nWherever possible, put people on hold.\nBe comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment\nAnd despite the changing fortunes of time,\nThere is always a big future in computer main-te-nance.\nChorus\nYou are a fluke\nOf the universe.\nYou have no right to be here.\nAnd whether you can hear it or not\nThe universe is laughing behind your back.\nRemember the Pueblo.\nStrive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mu-ti-late.\nKnow yourself.\nIf you need help, call the fbi.\nExercise caution in your daily affairs,\nEspecially with those persons closest to you.\nThat lemon on your left, for instance.\nBe assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls\nWould scarcely get your feet wet.\nFall not in love therefore;\nIt will stick to your face.\nGracefully surrender the things of youth:\nThe birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan\nAnd let not the sands of time\nGet in your lunch.\nHire people with hooks.\nFor a good time call 606−4311;\nAsk for «Ken.»\nTake heart amid the deepening gloom\nThat your dog is finally getting enough cheese.\nAnd reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot\nIt could only be worse in Milwaukee.\nChorus\nYou are a fluke\nOf the universe.\nYou have no right to be here.\nAnd whether you can hear it or not\nThe universe is laughing behind your back.\nTherefore, make peace with your god\nWhatever you conceive him to be Hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.\nWith all it’s hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal\nThe world continues to deteriorate.\nGive up!\nReprise\nYou are a fluke\nOf the universe.\nYou have no right to be here.\nAnd whether you can hear it or not\nThe universe is laughing behind your back.