Now What - MZM

I rise in the morning, waking up to a riddle

Regret on my mind, but I’m stuck in the middle

Things that I could do, things I did though

My brain always takes me back when it was simple

But gotta move forward, put the trophy on the mantle

Cause god never gives you nothing you can’t handle

I done been across the world, my life’s an odyssey

Mecca and Medina, been where people die to see

My name I don’t deserve and to me it’s unfortunate

So when I say my name, I abbreviate or shorten it

Ask how I feel and I’ll say I’m indifferent

But I hope you don’t judge me, cause we all sin different

Open up a bit, so y’all can get to know me

This the reintroduction, I’m grown, I’m not my old me

With that said, lemme pour my heart on this pavement

And answer 'fore u ask, show what the next phase is

Now what

Lemme take a second here to talk to my friends

Cause where things end is where they often begin

Rainier, Erwin, Ronald, Matthew

Don Evoua, Shabaz, Skor this directed at you

Carlos, Chino One Ton, Tom, Erik Estrada

Mike Kaput, don’t mean to forget my partners

So if y’all think I’m weird, I deserve it

It wasn’t intentional, when I became a hermit

Depressions a motherfucker, cause a downfall

I was poison, tell me how I’m supposed to be around y’all

As a man, if I cried, y’all would poke fun at it

Cause all we did was joke around like some dumb asses

I’m trying to man up, hanging on by a thread

Every night, sittin in the dark, wishing I was dead

But I’m doing better now fam, so what I’m gon' say

Where the fuck were y’all, the phone goes both ways

Even if my number changed, back in the spot

I wasn’t hard to find, google chattin with Shot

That time I was away, new bonds was made unique

With Tapia, Safik, even though we barely speak

Rob and Margo Hagiu, I ain’t forget about you

Thank you for everything and years we went thru

Rob you on these beats, and I speak from the soul

It’s taking tolls, no one knows the struggle making this dope

We all adults here, so I speak with honestness

I keep it a buck, this ain’t a backhanded compliment

And on this final thought, it’s all love for one another

Like it or not, we still brothers

Now what

All I really want’s a smile that’s not a cover up

I just wanna be happy and not cover up

And act like I’m fine when that’s far from the truth

When inside my mind, I wanna jump off of a roof

You know how much time, how much money I spent?

Wasted it on bullshit with different intent

All this material shit with no purpose

So I’m starin at my watches and my car like it’s worthless

No time for enemies, I’m thinking of my health

No time to battle, I’m busy beefing with myself

Step out the shadows, ain’t trying to hide no more

Ain’t trying to die no more, ain’t trying to suicide no more

I scratched the surface, but lemme get personal

Moms gettin' sicker, Sister spinning off of vertigo

Staring at they kids, I love 'em like they come from me

My nieces are queens, my nephew’s all sons to me

Omar was born when my demons started creeping

Them times I wanted to die, he was my voice of reason

Imagine not hearing this, with me not breathing

I’m here by God’s grace n u could thank housekeeping

Them demons was too strong, tugging the ropes

Cause twenty fourteen, end of summer I broke

All the walls caved in, my soul felt helpless

Prayers ain’t work, in retrospect I was selfish

I’m thinking 'bout my mother tearing up and I choke

I’m thinking 'bout that suicide note

I’m thinking 'bout the years and the days I let pass me

But I’m here, and I made it so I guess I am happy

Now what