Third Party, Fire and Theft - Momus

I’ve got a good track record

For taking the hurdles blind

Off at the crack of dawn with Virginia on my mind

I’m the man they call upon to drum up a thousand pounds

Lately Ginny can’t raise me ready

For the country roads inside her dressing gown

Any day now the adulterer will arrive in my suburb

Knock at the door with a pretext to enter my Habitat house

There are black cats in the sheets, I’ve been anticipating trouble

Next thing you know he’ll be sweeping the ash from the sack

Next thing you know he’ll be giving her

A piece of his mind on her back

Sweeping the ash from the sack

Isn’t it good to know

You’ve got third party, fire and theft?

We used to be a well-matched wrestle

Used to set the bed on fire

But I got high cholesterol and Virginia low tar

In the mirror I’m managing director

The bedroom’s plant and staff

The only thing in line for promotion though

Is Virginia’s derisory laugh

Any day now the adulterer will arrive in my suburb

Knock at the door with a pretext to enter my Charles Church house

There are Number 10s in the sheets, I’ve been anticipating trouble

Next thing you know he’ll be sweeping the ash from my sack

Next thing you know he’ll be giving her

A piece of his mind on her back

Sweeping the ash from the sack

Isn’t it good to know

You’ve got third party, fire and theft?

Last call for the cock of the walk

He’s first in line for the fist

But cuff-links don’t suit fisticuffs and I can’t afford to sprain my wrist

So limp and pale from the wear and tear

Of high-powered, hard-nosed lives

Me and my ilk write him fat blank cheques

On our naked, waiting wives

Any day now the adulterer will arrive in our suburbs

Knock at the door with a Durex to enter my Laura Ashley wives

The Marlboro Man’s intervening in the sheets, anticipating trouble

Next thing you know he’ll be sweeping the ash from the sack

Next thing you know he’ll be giving us

A piece of his mind on our backs

Sweeping the ash from the sack

Isn’t it good to know

You’ve got third party, fire …

… And theft

Next thing you know he’ll be sweeping the ash from our sack

Next thing you know he’ll be giving us

A piece of his mind on our backs

Sweeping the ash from the sack

Isn’t it good to know?