TissueBox - Mickey Shiloh

[I pray to God… I really pray to God

That I get over this.

whatever this is.

Whatever this thing keeping me down is.

I wanna live again.]

I’ve been up

I’ve been down and they say

«Michaela, the chemicals are different in your brain»

I’ve been held down

I’ve been strapped down in restraints

I’ve been locked in hospitals with folks that are really insane

I didn’t ever hurt nobody

Maybe sometimes myself

And I didn’t ever tell nobody

How sad I felt

Cause it’s just hard to explain…

No one understands me

Cause they can’t see my pain

It’s all inside of me…

And I don’t wanna start crying

Cause my friend is on the couch

I’m sorry… just tryna put these records out

I’ve just been in my room since I was kid

Cutting songs while my best friend cut her wrists

And she didn’t ever hurt nobody

Most times just herself

And she didn’t have nobody else that she could tell

So I just kept it all in

But I told my mom my secrets…

And when I’m calling

She always answers quick

Cause she knows at any minute I could be manic

She knows at any minute I could panic

Cause I’m a hypochondriac with damage

That shit be so hard to fuckin' manage

One day I’m good, the next I’m dyin'

But it’s all in my mind…

They say I’m fine when… I’m not

So get your tissue box

Cause I got all these thoughts

You can listen if you want

Or just turn it off

[DEPRESSED AUDIO: And I can’t even.

I’m in pain all the time

My physical pain, mental pain…

How am I going to take care of myself

When I can barely take care of myself when people are taking care of me?

I feel crazy, I’m so mad that at this point

I feel like I’m gonna let 10 years, 20 years pass by

And I’m gonna be miserable]