Hustler Hall Of Fame - Mickey Avalon

The road to the top, through cross guards and hard knocks

Copper penny Johns and endless city blocks

Thieves straight as an arrow and crooked rent-a-cops

Shooting craps in the back of vacant city lots

Three ring circus acts and worthless facts

Dancing in my solar soggy bowl of Diggum' Smacks

Fist-fucking faggots at the Y on gym mats

Rats run the wire while I’m looking for a match

I go back and forth just like a Cameo song

Honeys wanna love me but the line is long

So I make 'em take a number

Wake 'em from their slumber

What you know about Mickey?

(He's a bad motherfucker)

Truckers get my digits off the stalls at rest stops

I’m sick on the microphone like smallpox

Wild-eyed babies go crazy when I rock

Blind old ladies into diabetic shock

It’s all the same when they call my name

Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame

There ain’t no ball and chain, to hold me down

I got a golden smile and a platinum frown

It’s all the same when they call my name

Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame

There ain’t no ball and chain, to hold me down

I got a golden smile and a platinum frown

I flow like Niagara, go tell your manager

That Mickey Avalon ain’t no motherfuckin' amateur

I fly flicks with my dick at your camera

I rip the stick out my girl’s Porsche Carrera

I brought your whole formula, just warmin' up

Storm the front line and then I find a spot for lunch

Toxic-proof punch when the loot comes

Rocket boosters with my boots run

Underneath the tundra reach out for the Thundercats

Hoes know better find this brother at

I ripped the rubber mats out your lover’s pad

And kicked your mother’s ass right in front of your dad

Last night, a brass pipe and a flashlight

Smashed my crown and left me down with a black eye

The bad guy, walking over landmines, who can’t die but still tries

Leave your gods and your politics back at home

Cause I just wanna drink and be left alone

I gotta girl who likes to talk my ear off, see

So when I’m at the bar stay away from me

Don’t ask for a smoke or to make some change

I don’t care about your kid or your menstrual pains

You can call me rude but I like my solitude

And we don’t need to chat while we’re playing pool

So stay cool mister, I wasn’t lookin' at your sister

That snaggle toothed sea hag, lips all blistered

Now rack the balls while I’m in the stall

Pissin' out vodka and marking up the walls

I turn off the ringer when my lady calls

And don’t point your finger unless you want a brawl

I chalk up my cue and sink the eight ball

Then reach into my pocket and light a Pall Mall