Internet Sucks - MC Frontalot

Sometimes I wish I loved you

Sometimes I don’t know what to do

Sometimes I look back on our earliest love affairs:

I had so many hairs, and you were made of everyone everywhere

Or so I imagined!

Actually, just a bunch of me-types

Typing into MUD games, geeking on the weeknights

Hunting drug recipe text files with a Gopher client

(You're supposed to be studying, oh no, but you’re so defiant.)

It was giant Usenet porn, over the dialup

Over the rickety PBX which might go silent

Internet was precious to me, and it remains so

But it isn’t like in early days.

The achy pains grow

Ever more insistent, they get inside my melon

They tell me pretty subtly (I mean, besides the yelling)

That I don’t love you any more, internet

You used to be a safe home for my nerd heart and my intellect

Now you’ve got so much hate that you’ve just got to interject

Now you’ve got too many chefs up in your kitchenette

Sometimes I wish I loved you

Sometimes I don’t know what to do

Sometimes I’m overjoyed this thing got democratized

Anybody with a pocket phone can lend a voice against those who talk the lies

Don’t need to know how the packets work or any server’s status

Just click the big user-friendly button that fills my heart with gladness

And stop pressing the one that posts your unrelenting wackness

Yeah, I know how to mute and unfriend (even got some practice)

But how exactly is one supposed to mute the fact that a tenth of our netizens

When offered the chance to shit on anything pull down pants without hesitance

Without any sense of justice, pathos, kindness, or decency?

Now having to listen to assholes is half of what online means to me

And it seems to be this isn’t brand new.

Some people have always sucked

More trolls per capita, probably: 1989 CompuServe.

But!

These days, it’s like all the worst people on earth formed a club

Just to light ugliness up and take one drag and proceed to stub

It out in my eye by way of my once-beloved internet

Could a solution lurk that hasn’t been discovered in it yet?