Dating Profile - MC Frontalot

Before you look at me like I’m a neo-Luddite

All screens point at me at once in a real floodlight

Ideally sunlight would bathe me more often

Between now and a million internets and a coffin

Can’t soften up my viewpoint:

Modern love is the realm and computron is the true coin

And that’s it for you, boy.

You’re forty-two and the coif fled

Better find true love immediately, as you’ve oft said

So you figure the thing out, pick out a password

Look in your digital photographs folder over the last third

Of your life.

Is anything plausibly still hot?

What kind of hope about love have you impossibly still got

Lodged in your nerd mind?

Don’t you remember biology, all of the sad ones that the herd find

Difficult to cope with

Left the group and weren’t eloped with

Before you look at me

I could tell, you could be

All that I have ever wanted

Can’t trick you perfect.

Nevertheless!

Ever since Guttenberg and Rosanna Arquette’s

Mise-en-scène, brandishing the sheaf of dot-matrix

Your belief in top basics got stasis

You take ways that you might not be forgivable, reveal them

List your investment in every real un-

Shakable truth that you’ve ever pondered

That profile text seems far off.

You never wander

You write what you’ve seen people write, like:

You feel extreme nostalgia for Excitebike;

You read this book once and you quite liked it;

Screens keep you company bright nights like these

There’s a reply!

This thing is pinging at you

Look at his eyes: both of them singing at you

He’s in disguise as you, except beautiful

Offers his services.

Whispers he’s dutiful

Wait, it’s the dating app.

It made a map of your whole identity

But with all of the things that your soul intends to be

Punched up and expressed now unequivocally

Plus, it fixed your chin, and the whole thing’s riveting

It’s leveraging a neural network on your behalf

Check the projected effectiveness there on the graph

If you let go, it’ll send notes to other romance-seeking persons

Or rather to the prettier, funnier, geekier versions

Of those humans that the system surely improved

Your algorithm is better at flirting than you

Their algorithms are better at flirting back

Your virtual face, already out on a date with your top match

Each of your virtual fleshes intertwine

And even though you’re not participating, this is fine

It’s kind of ideal as your dating endgame:

Bot’s got your heart simulating on the mainframe

Keeps it beating in your name