Goddamn HIV - Mary Gauthier

My name is Michael Joe Alexandre

I’ve been a queer since the day I was born.

My family, they don’t say much to me,

my heart knows their silence has scorn

My friends have been dying, all my best friends are dead

I walk around these days, with their picture in my head

spending my time thinking 'bout the things they say

I don’t know whats happening to me, goddamn HIV

And I don’t know what all this means

I don’t think it means what it seems

We used to party all night 'til the dawn

I can still see the boys with their tight leather on in the downtown bars, where it always is night

I can hang with my friends 's still allright

I was 30 when the thickness first came

and it rode through my world like a wind driven flame.

Leaving ashes, memories, funerals and pain

and I don’t know what’s happening to me, goddamn HIV

And I don’t know what all this means

I don’t think it means what it seems

When I was a boy I get scared at night

My momma would come, turn on the light

But there’s nobody here with me tonight

and I don’t know what’s happening to me sometime at dusk I walk the train track

and I walk and I walk but I ain’t coming back

I look at the sky so endless and black

men I swear its swallowing me goddamn HIV