Dump The Dog - Loudon Wainwright III

Dump the dog and feed the garbage

Mow the floor and sweep the lawn

Salt and pepper on my porridge

Some day I’ll be dead and gone

Oh my good girl loves me madly

And my bad girl is a flirt

I’ll take the good with the bad gladly

And I’ll treat them both like dirt

Bread and butter for my breakfast

Peanut butter for my lunch

Apple butter for my dinner

Marjorie for Sunday brunch

Baseball’s fine football’s rougher

Basketballers are all tall

But I like hockey, hockey’s tougher

You must play without a ball

It’s too much bother and too much trouble

I have stood all I can stand

I’m a son and I’m a father

I am just a middle man

When I wake up in the morning

I hop up right out of bed

Unless of course I am hung over

Then I pretend that I am dead

Dump the dog and feed the garbage

Mow the floor and sweep the lawn

Salt and pepper on my porridge

Some day I’ll be dead and gone

Oh my good girl loves me madly

And my bad girl is a flirt

I’ll take the good with the bad gladly

And I’ll treat them both like dirt