Drinking Song - Loudon Wainwright, III

Drunk men stagger, drunk men fall

Drunk men swear and that’s not all

Quite often they will urinate outdoors

Like widowed women, drunk men weep

Like children curled up, drunk men sleep

Like a dog, a drunk will crawl around on all fours

Be he broke bum or rich rake

His dinner be it bread or cake

His beverage be the worse of whiskey, finest wine

Puke it stinks and so it seems

That drunkards go to great extremes

But there has yet to be a perfectly straight high

Drunks talk strong when drunks are weak

It’s easy for a drunk to speak

Straight from the heart

Yeah, drunks will fight they’re not afraid

They’ll kiss the mistress and make the maid

It’s a manly art

Oh, but big toll will take

Blood vessels in nose will break

Bags beneath the eyes, another sign

Drunks get ugly, so it seems

That drunkards go to great extremes

But there has yet to be a perfectly straight line

Drunks are friendly when they’re drunk and

Drunks are hostile when they’re drunk

Which drunk it is, it all depends upon

When drunks aren’t drunk, they thirst for drink

And the elephants are grey, not pink

And the drink evaporates the man is gone, gone, gone, gone

Back to the yachts and the subway cars

To the hip-flasks and fruit jars

Flat on the face and flat on the behind

Oh, drunks get drunk and so it seems

That drunkards go to great extremes

But there has yet to be a perfectly straight line

Straight line

Straight line