Illegal Smile - John Prine

When I woke up this morning, things were lookin' bad

Seem like total silence was the only friend I had

Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down… and won

And it was twelve o’clock before I realized

That I was havin'… no fun

But fortunately I have the key to escape reality

And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile

It don’t cost very much, but it lasts a long while

Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone

No I’m just tryin' to have me some fun

Last time I checked my bankroll,

It was gettin' thin

Sometimes it seems like the bottom

Is the only place I’ve been

I Chased a rainbow down a one-way street… dead end

And all my friends turned out to be insurance salesmen

Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls

Tryin' to get away

From all the ears inside my walls

I dreamed the police heard

Everything I thought… what then?

Well I went to court

And the judge’s name was Hoffman

Ah but fortunately I have the key to escape reality

And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile

It don’t cost very much, but it lasts a long while

Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone

No I’m just tryin' to have me some fun

Well done, hot dog bun, my sister’s a nun

Well done, son of a gun,

Hot dog bun,

Attilla the Hun,

My sister-in-law is an Irish nun