PC Honey - Ian Dury

I’m only nineteen, I’m a little bit green

I’ve yet to be corrupted by the frightful things I’ve seen

With my measure pace and my bright young face

I only want to make the world a safer place

PC Honey to the rescue

PC Honey’s up the drainpipe

PC Honey’s on the zebra

PC Honey’s on patrol

I’ve done the course and I’ve joined the Force

I’m a brave upstanding Bobby full of keen resource

Make me use my feet, keep me on the street

So I know everybody up and down my beat

PC Honey to the rescue

PC Honey’s up the drainpipe

PC Honey’s on the zebra

PC Honey’s on patrol

Once we’ve lost contact with Mr. Plod

Thus the trouble taketh root

In the very streets they should have trod

In his size 11 boots

As you steal or poach, beware my soft approach

With nothing but a truncheon and a talking brooch

I’m a figure of fun who doesn’t need a gun

And you’re going round the nick my son

PC Honey to the rescue

PC Honey’s up the drainpipe

PC Honey’s on the zebra

PC Honey’s on patrol